The question I’ve been asked a million and a half times: “So do you, like, try to turn straight girls?”
There is no such thing as “turning” a girl. There is no switch located somewhere deep inside a girl’s vagina that tells her when she is and isn’t a lesbian. This implies that you can just become gay all of a sudden one day if you try hard enough, which would mean that being gay is a choice. I’m not going to bore anyone with that conversation about my little baseball lezzie playing self being gay since I soccer slid out of my mother’s vagina, so I’ll just get into this conversation about a straight girl wanting to sleep with a lesbian, regardless of what we do.
If a girl wants to fuck another girl, it’s not because a lesbian said the right things, or looked a certain way, or dressed a certain way to make her realize that. We don’t wear a lucky v-neck, or have a playbook in our back pockets coaching us on what to say. No. If a girl wants to fuck another girl, it’s because the idea turns her on. Maybe adding a dash of alcohol or the right setting made her feel comfortable enough to explore that, but a lesbian didn’t put an idea in her head that wasn’t there before. This isn’t sexual Inception.
So how does this situation even happen? Well it usually starts with a lesbian (hay!) and a straight girl (yo!) at a setting where you can find both parties. Practically any setting: a bar, a softball game, an Ingrid Michaelson concert, a student newspaper convention in Southern Florida (shout out to D.Delph). The world is your sexually-confused oyster.
Okay so you both are there now. Staring at each other. Who makes the first move? The times I’ve hooked up with straight girls, for the most part, they’ve been the one steering the boat towards Muff Island. If a girl wants to hook up with a girl, and she sees that opportunity, she’s most likely going to take it. If she knows you’re into chicks, and it’s been a secret, or not so secret desire of hers, trust me, she will make you very well-aware of her intentions. Very aware.
Whether it happens that night or not, the idea that maybe started off as a little speck in her brain has multiplied and now she’s googling how to finger a girl. Most straight girls assume that since you’re a lesbian, you want all women, so there is no doubt in their mind that you want them too. And I mean, if you’re hot, yeah. Yeah we do. Flirting with a lesbian and putting yourself out there is a pretty vulnerable situation for a straight girl but you’d be surprised at how confident they are when they’re coming onto you. Because they believe it’s a sure thing, and you don’t need to second-guess yourself when you think that’s the case. So it happens. You two hook-up. Maybe it’s bad, maybe it’s really fucking good. Maybe you’re skeptically looking at her like.. “Are you SURE you haven’t done this before?”
Now what happens after the hook-up? What if she likes it? What if she doesn’t? Whether she actually likes it or not, rests very little on what actually happens in the bedroom. She could’ve orgasmed five times, or zero times, it really doesn’t matter. If she likes it, she’ll like whatever you’re doing. Remember the first time you had sex with a guy? He probably pre-ej’d but you were like “THAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER!” and you couldn’t wait to do it again because you liked it no matter what and didn’t have anything else to compare it to.
So who makes the first move to talk to who? Most likely you, you will have to. I’m not trying to marry the girl and I’m certainly not trying to recruit her for my summer slowpitch league. I think after being blown off enough, I’ve realized that if I never hear from the girl again or she is completely evasive towards me, it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the fact that she either:
a) She realized being with a girl was just a fantasy and not a reality she’d want and then pretends you don’t exist
-It’s pretty normal for a girl to realize that she was just turned on by the fantasy. Maybe she saw the hot cheerleader lesbos on “Glee” and thought, I could totally do this! Or maybe her old college roommate was a big fan of “The L Word” and she kind of secretly found it sexy. But then it happened and it was nothing like the porn she’s used to. We don’t have long fingernails with red polish and we don’t let our male co-worker join in when he walks in on us in the copy room. This was clearly just a fantasy of her’s that was not executed the way she had envisioned. We all have fantasies, but if they happened in real life, we may not be as into them. Like the one I have about being kidnapped. Then my kidnapper and I bang in the back of a truck with my hands still tied up. I mean, I don’t want to actually get kidnapped. And I think in the situation, I’d be so terrified that sex would be the last thing on my mind and with my luck the kidnapper would look like Cynthia Nixon… Anyways, I think a lot of fantasies are fantasies for the sole purpose to exist in our mind and nowhere else. It’s good to act those out, but then you realize the distinction between a fantasy and a desire.
OR b) She is too ashamed to admit that she actually really got turned on by it and then pretends you don’t exist.
-It’s a pretty normal feeling for a girl to question her sexuality after she hooks up with another girl. “Am I no longer straight?”, “Does this make me a lesbian?”, and “But what if I don’t want to move to Portland, rescue a Greyhound and work as a volunteer firefighter with my partner?” are typical questions for a straight girl to ponder after she’s played Guess Which Finger That Is with a lesbian the night before. It is a whole slew of confusing feelings that they’d rather hide away in a lockbox than actually think about. There are girls out there that are so ashamed of what turns them on, that they’ll never truly admit to themselves that they are a little gay, or even a lot gay. It’s a pretty easy rule of thumb: Straight is when you don’t want to fuck a girl twice. If you’re thinking about fucking a lesbian again, after you’ve already done it, better start brushing up on that Sylvia Plath, girl.
So this seems pretty lose-lose for a lesbian then huh? Well, I mean, we still had sex with you so it’s not all that bad. Does it ever turn into anything more than just a one night hook-up? It has. But more often than not, it hasn’t. My efforts stop once I realize that it’s not me, that it’s them. It’s not that they didn’t think I was charming enough when we woke up in the morning, or sexy enough when I had all my clothes off, or gracious enough while we were in bed, it’s that it is not for them. Or it is totally for them but they’re not woman enough to admit it and they’ll go through the next 10-15 years in and out of relationships with men that don’t satisfy them. Tough titties. If you don’t want to sleep with us again, what are we gonna do, cry about it? Yes.